How To Escape Quicksand, by Lum Invader
by DeraldSny
Summary: When Asuka asks Lum about her sojourns into a swampy part of Mizunokoji property, Lum and Oyuki decide to correct her misconceptions on getting stuck in the swamp...


And now for something a little different... a story with some educational value! :P

ON WITH THE SHOW!

How To Escape Quicksand, by Lum Invader

A Urusei Yatsura Fan Fiction

by Derald Snyder

"School's out!"

Lum Invader walked out of Tomobiki High alongside her betrothed, Ataru Moroboshi. "I'm glad today was relatively uneventful-tcha..."

"Me too," Ataru nodded. "Though knowing my luck, something bad's gonna happen soon..." He looked ahead, his face paling. "Case in point," he muttered, pointing towards the gates.

Lum looked in the direction he was pointing, to see a girl with black hair done up in a high ponytail by a pink bow, with black eyes that seemed to have stars for pupils, clad from the neck down in metal armor. "Isn't that Asuka Mizunokoji?"

"Yep," Ataru nodded. "3, 2, 1..."

"EEEEEEEEK! A MAN!" Asuka cried upon seeing Ataru, lifting a car over her head to throw at the pervert. _"Get away from me!"_

Ataru stumbled back in fear... only to be suddenly encased in a solid block of ice.

"Huh?" Asuka blinked in confusion. Feeling a cold breeze to her left, she turned her head and saw a woman with dark red eyes and long greyish-blue hair done up in a ponytail, wearing a white kimono with a red obi, who had one hand outstretched.

"Oyuki-chan!" Lum gasped in surprise. "What are you doing here-tcha?"

"I came to visit you, of course," the ice-woman answered. Turning to Asuka, she stated, "I don't believe Ataru is a threat to you any longer, so if you would please set that vehicle back down..."

"Huh...? O-oh, right..." Asuka gently set the car back down on the street. "Th-thank you, Oyuki-san," she bowed politely.

"Why are you here anyway, Asuka-san?" Lum asked as she walked up to the other two.

"Um, actually... I wanted to talk to you, Lum-san..." Asuka explained. "B-but can we go somewhere where there aren't so many men around?!"

"Of course!" Lum nodded. "Right this way-tcha..."

"May I also accompany you?" Oyuki asked.

"Sure, that's fine," Asuka nodded. "Maybe you can save me if any other men show up..."

"Certainly," the ice-woman assented. "In that case, I will keep watch from behind you..."

"OK, let's go!" Lum said, beckoning, Asuka walking briskly after her. Oyuki, however, hesitated, looking back towards the frozen Ataru. Once she felt that Asuka was a safe distance away, she snapped her fingers, causing the ice block to shatter, before moving to join the other two...

Ataru promptly collapsed to the ground, hugging himself as he shivered, his skin still blue. "Th-that was c-cold, Oyuki-chan..."

The three women walked into an empty alley, Oyuki positioning herself at the entrance to watch for any men. "I will stand guard," she stated.

"Thank you," Asuka nodded.

"So what did you want to talk to me about, Asuka?" Lum inquired.

"Um, well..." Asuka stammered. "I heard rumors that you've been wandering around on my family's property recently..."

The Oni's eyes went wide at this. "Uh-oh... am I in trouble for trespassing-tcha?"

"Th-that's not it..." the brunette shook her head. "It's just, that area you've been going to, even I'm not allowed to go over there, for a really good reason..."

"And what reason would that be?" Oyuki asked curiously.

"B-because it's a swamp!" Asuka cried. "And where there's swamps, there's *quicksand*!" She turned back to Lum. "I know you can fly and all, but don't you know what happens if you step into quicksand? It sucks you down, all the way down, and you DIE! You _die_ and no one ever finds your body, because it's already buried in the quicksand *forever*! It's a horrible way to die...!"

Lum blinked several times in surprise. "Uh... Asuka, that's not exactly how it works-tcha..."

The brunette blinked in confusion. "Huh? I-it's not? B-but that's what the servants always told me..."

"I would imagine they deliberately exaggerated the danger, in order to dissuade you from exploring out there," Oyuki theorized. "Although, with that heavy armor you wear, the quicksand probably would take you all the way under..."

Asuka shivered in fear, before something occurred to her. "But, if I *wasn't* wearing this armor, I wouldn't die?"

"That's right, Asuka," Lum agreed. "I actually did fall into that quick-sand by accident once... But I only sank up to here," she put a hand at chest-level. "I did get stuck for a while, but I eventually figured out how to escape-tcha..."

"Y-you did? Oh, thank goodness..." Asuka sighed in relief. "But, why were you out there anyway?"

"It was Sakura-sensei's suggestion," The green-haired Oni responded. "She told me to take a walk out in some isolated woods to blow off some steam-tcha..."

"So you were too upset to notice the quicksand until it was too late," Oyuki deduced.

"S-something like that-tcha..." Lum giggled nervously as she put a hand behind her head. Then, suddenly, an idea occurred to her. "Um, actually, Asuka-san... if you want, maybe I could take you out to that swamp and show you how to escape if you get stuck?"

"H-how to escape?" Asuka looked uncertain.

"You'd have to go without your armor," Oyuki pointed out. "Of course, seeing as it's your family's property anyway, you shouldn't have to worry about any unscrupulous men showing up..."

The armor-clad brunette shivered slightly with fear. "I still dunno..."

"Well, maybe Oyuki-chan could come along with us-tcha," Lum then suggested. "If worse comes to worse, she could freeze the quick-sand so you could climb out-tcha..."

The ice-woman chuckled at this. "I suppose I could take some time out of my busy schedule..."

"I-I don't want to impose..." Asuka said.

"It's not an imposition," Oyuki shook her head. "It's a favor for a friend..." She smiled at Lum, who smiled back.

Asuka bit her lip. "Well... OK. Just as long as... *that man* doesn't show up..."

"Oh, don't worry about that," Lum reassured her. "I'll make sure Darling gets the hint not to follow us..." She held up an index finger, which sparked menacingly. "...by force if necessary!"

And so, the next day...

The three women were slowly making their way through the dense forest surrounding the cattail swamp, with Lum leading the way.

 _"Ow!"_ Asuka cried as her ponytail got caught on a low tree branch, Oyuki swiftly freeing it for her. "This isn't a relaxing walk in the woods!" The brunette had shed her armor as requested, now dressed in a white t-shirt and a black leotard over it, a pair of tight black pants and old sneakers finishing the ensemble.

"I have to agree," Oyuki sighed. "My kimono's gotten caught so many times, I fear it's beyond salvaging at this point..."

"I told you not to wear that, Oyuki-chan," Lum admonished, wearing her usual tiger-striped bikini and go-go boots. Her hair had also been tied into a ponytail, to lessen the chance of her long hair getting caught. "And I agree with you, Asuka-san, I hated going through this forest the first time-tcha... When I'm by myself, I usually just fly over..."

"I can see why!" Asuka grunted, breaking off another branch that nearly hit her in the face.

"Don't worry, It's not much farther-tcha!" Lum assured her companions. Sure enough, the foliage soon parted, revealing the familiar scene of the cattail swamp. "And here we are!"

Asuka heaved a sigh of relief. "We made it..." Looking behind her, she saw Oyuki begin to undo the obi on her kimono. "Huh? W-why are you undressing?"

"My kimono has been through enough abuse already," the ice-woman sighed as she slid off her robes, revealing an orange one-piece swimsuit underneath.

Asuka just shrugged, before turning back to the swamp, seeing the expanse of tan-colored muck. "I-is that all q-quicksand?"

"Most of it's pretty shallow, actually," Lum answered as she untied her ponytail, letting her long green hair flow free once more. "The deep stuff is further out-tcha..." Retrieving a walking stick that lay nearby, she turned and took Asuka's hand. "Now, just follow me, and step where I step-tcha.. and try not to grip my hand too tight, I'm going to need it-tcha."

"O-Okay," Asuka nodded, as she reluctantly began to follow the Oni.

"I'm right behind you, Asuka-san," Oyuki said as she brought up the rear. "I will catch you if you slip or fall..."

"Th-thanks," the strong-woman grunted as she slowly followed Lum's footsteps, the alien using her walking stick to check the ground in front of her.

"It starts getting ankle-deep here, Asuka-san," Lum cautioned. "Nothing to worry about, just be careful."

"R-right," Asuka nodded, feeling her shoes squish into the muck, shaking slightly with fear despite the Oni's reassurance. Then she felt Oyuki's hands grip her shoulders, massaging them slightly, which lessened her trepidation somewhat.

It wasn't long before Lum's stick failed to find purchase, pushing deep into the mud... "Ah-ha! Here it is!" Leaving her stick where it was, she released Asuka's hand before levitating herself over the deep mud. Turning to face her companions, she stated, "OK, first thing is, if you find yourself sinking, you should try and get out of your shoes-tcha... they act like suction-cups in quick-sand. But I'm going to leave my boots on, so I can show you it's still possible to escape-tcha... it's just a little harder."

"A-all right," Asuka nodded as she slid off her sneakers, her face briefly contorting in mild disgust at feeling her stocking feet press into the muck. Oyuki had a similar reaction as she also removed her footwear.

"All right, here I go," said Lum as she lowered herself to the mud's surface, her boots pressing into the mud as she started to sink. "Now when you start sinking in quick-sand, you should try to lay yourself flat on the ground, like this-tcha," she let herself fall onto her back side, only sunk to her knees. "See? I'm not sinking anymore."

"I see," Oyuki nodded, "Spreading your weight over the mud, instead of being focused in a single point..."

"And then what?" Asuka asked.

"And then, you try and pull your legs back up-tcha... but go slow," Lum answered, as she slowly pulled up one leg, then the other from the quicksand. "And once you're free, you just crawl back to solid ground-tcha..." She then sat up. "OK, now I'm going to show what you should do if you sink deeper than that..." With that, she let her boots slide back into the mud, before attempting to stand up, the swamp taking her in deeper as a result, bubbles popping around her. "The worst thing you can do is panic and start thrashing around... that just loosens up the quick-sand and makes you sink faster-tcha..."

"Which is likely how most people get themselves hopelessly stuck," Oyuki observed.

"S-so I need to stay still?" Asuka queried.

"Pretty much," Lum nodded, now sunk to her waist. "Also, you shouldn't try to push up on the mud with your hands- that'll just get them sunk in and stuck, too. I should know-tcha, I made that mistake the first time I fell in here..."

"You did?!" Asuka gasped. "B-but then, how did you get out?!"

"It took me a while," the Oni admitted. "Thankfully, I was more curious than scared-tcha, so I didn't panic like some people would..." She stopped to draw in a breath as she felt her bosom come to rest on the moist surface of the quicksand, her arms also resting on the mud in front of her. "It also gets a little harder to breathe when you sink deep..."

"I can imagine," Oyuki nodded. "As thick as that mud looks..."

"So, how did you escape, then?" Asuka asked.

"Well, like I said before-tcha, you have to go slow... if you make fast movements, the mud just sucks on you, and holds you in place-tcha..." As if to demonstrate, Lum deliberately pushed her arms into the quicksand, before making quick tugging motions, resulting in audible sucking sounds from the swamp, as well as more bubbles. "That's why a lot of people think that quicksand actively sucks you down-tcha, when a lot of it's just caused by panic..."

"O-oh, I see..." Asuka nodded in comprehension. "So it just sucks you when you move too fast..."

"Right," the alien princess concurred. "But if you just take your time..." Lum's arms slowly emerged, covered in muck. "See? Just like that-tcha." Wiping her arms off a bit, she then stated, "OK, Asuka, now you come in here and try it-tcha..."

 _"Huh?!"_ the brunette gasped in shock. "Y-you want me to sink in the quicksand?!"

"You don't have to go out that far," Oyuki suggested. "Just go a few steps past where Lum's walking stick is... that way, I can reach you and pull you out if you get hopelessly stuck, all right?"

Asuka shivered with fear, but nodded. "O-okay..." She took one step forward, then another, and another, before her foot pressed deep into the swamp with a burst of bubbles. _"Ahhh!"_ She quickly put her other foot down, sinking quickly to her knees. The brunette then fell on her back like Lum had, taking deep breaths as she felt the swamps moisture soak into her back... "Phew, I'm not sinking anymore." She then easily freed her legs from the muck with her super-strength. "Wow, that was easy..."

"Good job, Asuka-san," Lum acknowledged. "Now try sinking deeper-tcha..."

Asuka shivered again. "D-do I have to?" Looking up, she saw Oyuki's upside-down face giving her a reassuring smile.

"You have nothing to fear, Asuka-san," the ice-woman said with a soothing voice. "I am here for you."

"R...right," Asuka grunted, taking a deep breath before sitting up, gasping as the quicksand began to take her in again... her legs swiftly vanished, then her waist.. wiggling a bit, Asuka sank faster, the surface bubbling, her own bosom soon coming to rest in the mire's embrace, her arms already sunk in past the elbows... "O-oh my god, I'm so deep...!"

"But you're not sinking anymore, right?" Lum pointed out helpfully. Looking down, Asuka realized the Oni was right- she was floating now, her feet not feeling a bottom, but she sank no further... though, she could feel it gently suck on her submerged body with every move she made...

(Now I get why everyone says it sucks you down...) the Mizunokoji heir thought to herself, as she continued to squirm in the thick mud which encased her... "I feel so _stuck,"_ she grunted aloud, watching the bubbles gently popping around her.

"I know, right?" Lum agreed. "That's the real of danger of quick-sand, getting stuck to the point where you can't do anything... and then you either die of starvation or exposure-tcha... or if you're next to the water and the tide comes back in, you end up drowning-tcha..."

"Th-that's horrible!" Asuka shuddered, causing more bubbles on the quicksand's surface. "I'm g-glad we're not next to a beach, then..." She took deep, even breaths, trying to stay calm as she attempted to bring her arms up... Eventually, one arm, then the other emerged, accompanied by loud sucking sounds. "I-it worked!" she gasped in surprise and relief.

"Nicely done, Asuka-san," Oyuki complimented from behind her. "It seems you may not need me after all..."

"No, please don't leave!" the brunette pleaded, looking behind her... only to see the Neptune princess walking into the mire beside her, quickly sinking to her thighs. "Wh-what are you doing? You're gonna get stuck, too!"

"Well, now that Lum has shown us how to escape, I don't think there will be a problem," Oyuki answered coolly as she sank past her waist. "Mmmmm... I see what you meant by this feeling like a natural mud bath, Lum..."

"M-mud bath?" Asuka blinked in confusion.

"You've heard of mud spas before, haven't you Asuka-san?" Lum queried. "The only real difference between those and quick-sand, is that the mud in mud spas is a lot looser, so you can easily move through it-tcha."

"Not to mention, mud spas are usually far shallower," Oyuki chimed in, letting her arms lay on the quicksand as she settled down to her bosom. "You might say it's a far more... controlled environment compared to out here."

"R-right..." Asuka grunted. "But why do people go in mud baths anyway?"

"Mostly for exfoliation," the ice-woman responded. Seeing Asuka's confused look, she elaborated, "You see, it's thought that the texture of the mud gently scrubs away dead skin cells from your body." As she said this, Oyuki took two handfuls of mud and started covering her arms and shoulders.

"Which leaves your skin feeling baby soft-tcha," Lum added. "I know Darling likes my skin that way..." She giggled as she also began to slime mud over her bare shoulders.

"So... would Tobimaru-onii-sama like this?" Asuka asked, as she hesitantly started rubbing mud over her arms as well...

"Um, well, I dunno about him..." Lum stammered a bit. "B-but I'm sure Shutaro would like it-tcha..."

"Oh," Asuka sounded disappointed. "So, is that why you come back here? Because you use this quicksand like a mud bath?"

"That's one reason," the Oni agreed. "But I also like it because it's really peaceful out here-tcha... Don't get me wrong, I like excitement and action, but everyone needs to relax once in a while..." With that, she leaned back slightly in her muddy encasement, heaving a sigh of contentment, her arms sinking under once again as she relaxed, listening to the bubbles gently popping around her...

Meanwhile, Oyuki followed her friend's lead leaning back slightly herself, closing her eyes as she moaned softly in delight... Unlike Lum, however, she kept her mud-covered arms on the surface of the quicksand...

Asuka, meanwhile, was gently tugging at her legs trapped deep below the muck, feeling the thick suction when she tried to bring them up, despite her super-strength... "Uh, Lum-san?" she spoke up, "How do you get yourself out once your arms are free?"

The Oni's blue eyes blinked open again as she looked forward. "Well, in your case, you could probably just back-stroke to the shallow mud-tcha... But like I said before, you just need to try and get into a laying-flat position, but slowly."

"Oh, right..." Asuka leaned back as instructed, and felt her lower body begin to rise up. "Um, th-there's nothing in the s-swamp that'll grab you a-and drag you under, is there?"

"Of course not!" Lum shook her head in disapproval. "Believe me, Asuka-san, if there was something like *that* in here, I would have known about it by now-tcha..." But then, as if to make a liar out of her, two 'somethings' suddenly emerged from the quicksand and wrapped around her chest, while the mud behind her bulged upwards!

 **"AAAIIIEEEEEEE!** SWAMP MONSTER!" Asuka shrieked in horror, swiftly starting to back-stroke away...

"AAAAAAHHH! Oyuki-chan, _HELP!"_ Lum cried out, feeling the creature wrap tightly around her. "Freeze it or something, quick!"

Oyuki blinked, before her look of concern segued into a soft chuckle. "I don't think that will be necessary, Lum..."

"Why not?!" The Oni screeched as she struggled against the swamp-thing, feeling her breasts being groped.

"Because that's no swamp monster," the Neptune princess spoke matter-of-factly. "That's Ataru Moroboshi."

"Ataru Moroboshi?!" Asuka screeched as she slowly pulled herself out of the quicksand. "That's even _worse!"_

Lum turned her head, and sure enough, that familiar dopey grin was unmistakable. "Darling?!"

"Hi, Lum-chan!" Ataru greeted, as he continued to fondle his girlfriend's chest. "Didn't see that comin', did ya?"

The Oni's fear was quickly wiped away and replaced with anger. "What the hell?! _Darling no baka,_ I told you not to come here today...!"

"Your exact words were 'you had better not follow us'," the pervert countered. "You never said I couldn't come here *before* you arrived, and hide myself under the mud!"

"And just how did you stay under for so long without smothering?" Oyuki queried as she also began to extract herself from the deep mud.

"Oh, that's easy!" the pervert replied as he wiped the mud away from his eyes. "I just went under briefly to cover myself, then I just kept my mouth above the surface so I could breathe! And then, when my girl radar picked up Lum, I just slowly moved into position, and then struck like Jaws!"

"Oh, for...!" Lum managed to wriggle out of her boyfriend's grasp, so she could turn to look him in the eye. "I swear, if I weren't so muddy right now, I'd zap the hell out of y- _MMMMPHH!"_ she was abruptly cut off as Ataru engaged her in a tight lip-lock.

Asuka in the meantime had grabbed her shoes and retreated to the edge of the forest, Oyuki slipping her footwear back on before following the brunette. "I don't believe he's after you this time, Asuka-san..."

"I d-don't care!" Asuka protested, shaking her head. "The only reason I'm not running away is 'cause I don't wanna fall into more quicksand...!"

Meanwhile, Lum had finally managed to break away from Ataru. "If you think a romantic kiss is going to get you off the hook-!" She stopped suddenly, the green-haired Oni's eyes going wide as her body shivered involuntarily, her cheeks heating up...

"How about that?" Ataru whispered with a knowing smirk. "You forget, Lum-chan, I know *all* your weak points now..."

Lum drew in a deep shaky breath. "...mark my words, Darling, you are going to pay for this later..." She then quivered again as she engaged her betrothed in another deep kiss...

By this time, Oyuki had joined Asuka at the forest's edge, picking up her kimono and re-tying the obi around her waist. "Perhaps we should give them some privacy, Asuka-san..."

"G-gladly!" the strong-woman agreed, turning and walking quickly into the forest, Oyuki following behind her... A loud moan from Lum then echoed through the wilderness, causing Asuka to look back briefly... "W-what's he d-doing to her...?!"

"Oh, don't worry," Oyuki chuckled. "I know Lum, that is definitely a moan of approval..." She then gently turned Asuka around and pushed her in the opposite direction.

"I-if you say so, Oyuki-san..." the brunette grunted, before looking down at her mud-covered body. "I just hope we can find some place to clean up... if Mommy sees me like this, she's going to be furious..."

"Surely there's a body of water somewhere nearby," Oyuki replied. "After all, quicksand cannot form without a water source of some sort... and even if we are forced to return to your residence all dirty, I'm certain I can explain things to your mother..."

"She's about as strong as I am, you know..." Asuka cautioned.

"Oh, believe me, in my dealings across the galaxy, I've had to deal with with brutes far more unscrupulous than her..."

"Y-you're not g-going to freeze her, are you...?" the Mizunokoji heir asked fearfully.

"Oh no, perish the thought," the ice-woman shook her head. "After all, I'm certain a mini-blizzard will be more than enough to allow... _cooler_ heads to prevail."

Asuka couldn't help but giggle at that, as the two continued their trek back through the forest...

~*Fin*~

Let me know what you think... review!


End file.
